Currently Listening Wiretap Scars By Sparta see related

Wheeling actually won today, it was pretty sick. Like, they kicked the crap out of Hoffman. I guess im feeling a little better after my last post, yeh i was pretty fucking pissed, and im still not completely happy with my life right now, but i never really am anyway. i really at this point just want bball to start, then baseball, and then get the fuck out of this school and to college. I sort of feel like i didnt have the best time during my years at wheeling, and seriously i want a chance to start over with people. I mean, the people who i know that want to go to my college i really want to still stay close to in college, but i sort of want to get away.

One thing i havnt been able to shake for about a year now is my negative feelings towards life in general. Like i said before, i seriously feel like, in the end, nothing will work out. Like i know that it works out for some people, that they do end up happy, but for everyone lucky enough to gain true happiness, there is like 60 others who lead miserable, pointless lives. I feel like the odds are stacked up against me. I think bec of this, at this point im kind of living a life of apathy towards everything. I really feel completely alone, like there is no one out there like me, or has the same feelings as me. I dont know why i feel this way bec my life really isnt that bad, but it seems like everyone else is so happy, and im so unhappy all the time.  w/e, its a three day weekend so at least that is something to look forward to.

Currently Listening No Control By Bad Religion see related

yeh this is def an angry update bec ive had a fucking bad day. Well the day already sucked for reasons im not going to mention, but the football game made it even worse. Well Wheeling got their asses kicked by Maine West which was bad enough, but to add to it, it seemed like everyone was just being an asshole. One person in particuliar who i have decided to completely cut off any communication from, after tonight. i have really lost all complete respect for this person. If she is reading this, you crossed the line between joking and being a asshole. I really have nothing more to say to her, not that she really cares anyway, i just thought i would say this. I pretty much think your  heartless asshole, and i know your not going to apologize, so ill just leave it at that. Anyway, to add to things, im pissed and driving home, and of course i speed and switch lanes without signalling right in front of a fucking cop, who pulls me over and gives me two tickets, one for changing lanes without signalling and the other for no proof of insurance which i had just taken out of my car for some reason that day. So im pretty pissed right now for a number of reasons, but mainly bec i am a perfect example of nice guys finishing completely fucking last. Im through trying to be friendly to people, i dont give a shit anymore. i mean, i am the source of so much ridicule and fucking jokes just bec i am a nice person and i happen to be slightly off the general stereotype of what the fuck i should be. i mean i dont think anyway has any fucking idea how much shit i have to deal with from every backward ass fuck in the world about the way i dress the way i talk or the music i listen to, just bec i happen to be black. Hey, how about this, i had zero fucking control over what raise i happened to be born into. If you want to me to dress ghetto, talk like a fucking idiot, listen to music which in my opinion, makes complete fucking fools out of AA, fuck you im not going to.  hey FUCK YOU, i dont give a shit anymore, in a year i will be out of this fucking school. Just to tell everyone, all the people who do shit just to get a rise out of me, you think its just a fucking joke, haha, laughs for everyone, fuck you. i prob wont feel this way in the morning but right now i am prob more pissed then i have ever been in my life. i seriously feel like smashing the screen in front on me into pieces. Basically, today i realized one thing, people are only good for fucking you over and making you feel like complete shit minus the few good friends you may be lucky enough to come in contact with. People ask me why i am so negative, why i seem so unhappy, i mean im a good student and a good athlete, what do i have to be unhappy about. Well people make me unhappy, mainly their ignorance and their complete lack of sympathy or feelings for one another. Why the fuck does bad shit always happen to me, it like nothing ever works out for me, ever. its like im fucking cursed or something, i dont feel like i deserve any of the mistreatment that i recieve, i am nothing but the nicest fucking person to everyone, and in the end, it gets you nothing. NOTHING.

Oh and now im going to fucking explain why i dont like rap, listen to it, or even acknowledge it as a legit genre of music. I cant be the only person in the world who feels that ill educated fucks who like to talk about their cash, their gold teeth, and the girls they fucked should all fucking die. i mean, what people dont understand is that every day of my life i have to deal with this stupid fucking stereotype that people get from fucking MTV and any stupid ghetto fucking black person walking down the street. If thats what the fuck black is, your right im not that, im not even close that, and in fact i am proud im nothing like that. Why the fuck cant you look at the educated AAs like Colin Powell, Barrack Obama or Condelleeza Rice and use them as the stereo type, bec guess what, and Obama wrote about it in his book, they all had to deal with the "uncle tom" stigma just as i have. They were all called white many times, but i consider them my biggest heros and examples of how to act and present themselves. I consider lil jon, snoop dogg, the yin yang twins, TI, 50 cent, Mikes Jones, or any fucking ghetto rapper or people a perfect example of what not to be. Oh and i get a lot of shit for listening to punk, you being semi black and all. Here is what i say to anyone wondering, i think that punk bands actually accomplish a purpose with their songs. They address issues in our government and in our society rather than just sing shit that people like to dance to in their cars. Most are extremely educated , Greg from Bad Religion, the single greatest punk band, has a PH.D., while most rappers didnt even finish fucking high school. He writes songs with a purpose, to bring issues to the surface that wouldnt normally be addressed. This is why i listen to punk.

but yeh, now that im done with that, im going to which over to ripping on religion and the god ideas in general for two reasons, one i have just been force to read and analyze the bible again for AP English, and two ripping on religion makes me feel better when im pissed. Anyway today in class we had a discussion about the coincidence of the bible predicting how turmoil would remain in the middle east until the end of the world. Well, personally feel that this is def a self fulfilled prophecy. I mean seriously, almost every major religion in the world is fighting for control of this tiny piece of land they all call sacred, and they have killing each other over it for hundreds of years. But honestly, i seriously think that, given the information that every religion sees the middle east as holy ground, that they would obviously fight and kill each other over it. Honestly, you throw 3 religious groups in an area each think is holy, and as a result of  human psychological tendencies, they are going to fucking slaughter each other to protect their ideas and issue that they are right and therefore will live forever bec their religion is the one correct one. Seriously, when i hear about the shit happening in the middle east, it makes me laugh bec i know that it religion did not exist, no one would be fighting over this shitty piece of desert in the middle east, its fucking hilarious. Religion causes more problems than it solves

there is no point, except to kind of humor ourselves

Currently Listening State of Discontent By Unseen see related

- The Unseen is a band from boston, one of their songs is playing

well im broadcasting live from Boston, Mass. I fucking love this city. Today i visited BU, and its a pretty awesome school, still not as cool as IL Wesleyan which is still my number one choice. The thing about Boston U is that it is like 12 times the size as IWU. Its seriously fucking huge, the school takes up like 2 miles of land in Boston. The campus is beautiful, and the housing is pretty cool. today i really just toured and went to an info session. oh, by the way BU is not cheap, its like 42 thousand which is more expensive than Harvard, so im debating whether going there is worth the money. I really really like Boston though, and even if i dont go to school here, i think im going to move out here after college, maybe go to med school here. Anyway, tomr im visiting Boston College, so that should be fun. I know when i enter that building though im going to feel like a complete idiot. But it anyone has the chance to go to boston, def go, this place is awesome. The people and the overall environment is awesome and the girls are fucking hot, im not going to lie.

so today i was talking about the death penalty with my parents and whether or not it is a humane form of punishment. I really truly think that separating someone away from contact for 20 years on death row, force them to meditate on their demise, and then kill them in front of a crowd is a sick and undeserved form of punishment. In my opinion, most of the criminals on death row are either insane, innocent, or could be rehibilitated. In the case of the first, killing someone for something they truly didnt think was wrong doesnt solve anything. Criminals like John W. Gacy are obviously severely disturbed and should be place in an insane asylum or a mental institution to be held and studied. But killing them makes no sense bec they have no idea that there actions were anything but normal. In the case of those who could be rehibilitated, they should simply be given life in prison and be allowed to talk to a therapist who i really think could target the psychological issues which led them to commit whatever violent crime they committed. However the main reason why i feel the death penalty should be abolished in this country has to do with the possibility of killing an innocent person. Just recently in IL, the former governor pardoned all death row inmates in IL after becoming aware of evidence which pointed that many of those executed were wrongly convicted. Just the possibility of putting an innocent person to death should be enough for an constitutional amendment to be passed abolishing the death penalty in this country. I mean, we are one of two industrialize nations to still allow criminals to be put to death. I think that tells you something about the people who make up this country.

Currently Listening The Empire Strikes First By Bad Religion see related

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well, u leave in three hours for boston, that should be fun. For some reason my parents felt that it would be better if we drove the 17 hours to boston. w/e as long as i get to visit bc and bu. Oh basketball and baseball are going fine, im crushing sumr league pitching and basketball is going a little better. I never really have good sumr leagues for basketball, but this year im doing better. My shot that i have been working on so i can play the 3 is finally falling and im driving the ball pretty well. I still havnt decided if i want to play basketball in college or not. Im not sure if i ready for the commitment its going to require. Ive recieved some letters from some D3 colleges for basketball and baseball, and at this point, the whole decision is starting to stress me out. Mainly, im afraid that im going to miss sports if i dont play them in college. Like, i dont know how im going to take sitting on the sidelines watching people who i know i can play with play. I imagine that would be an extremely depressing experience for me. but then again if i dont play, than i can finally give  100% focus to school, which is something i havnt been able to do being a three sport athlete in HS. i really dont know what the fuck im going to do, but im probably going to have to decide in a few months when i start applying to schools.sumr is really starting to depress me, all i can think about is how much i want to get my senior year over with and start college. Its like in hs, outside of my close friends, i sort of feel like a serious outsider. i def think in college, ill feel like i actually belong, i mean there will actually be more people there like me. i dont know if anyone else feels like this, but i seriously want to get out of wheeling. sumr kind of sucks bec i have so much time just to sit and analize what the fuck is going on in my life and it kind of makes me crazy.

Oh, so me and my sister were watching Malcolm x yesterday, which for some reason has become my fav movie of all time. There was a scene which alluded to the idea that africans were the first humans, and my sister asked me if this was true. in order to answer her question, i first explained how the first humans, those of the Australopethicus classification, did originate in western africa, however, humans migrated up through asia and europe, and then continue to spread to the americas by means of a frozen bridge which acted as a segue between north america and asia. I also mentioned that the reason for the different races had to do with the adaptations made my homo sapiens to their environment. this got me thinking though, mainly about those challenge evolutionism. How else could you explain races and adaptations made by humans to their environment other than by evolution. i mean it so obvious, as humans migrated to different parts of the world, it was necessary for them to adapt to fit the environment. those who better adapted lived on to breed and those who didnt died off. but i cant imagine how the bible could explain this other than god created different races just so that people would fight and kill each other over their differences. anyway, every time i watch Malcolm x , there is always a different scene that jumps out at me, and that i spend a great deal of time analizing later.

cartoon time: